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Zombie-Pocalypse

Written by Flad The Lich King - Published on October 28, 2009

Falad The Lich King!

Now that Expy has finally taken control of Dungeonmastering.com and disposed of those tiresome humans, he has roped me in to write for him. Who am I? I am the all powerful, brilliant and eternal Lich King, Falad! So what can a Lich King like myself help you inferior breathers with? Everything is the correct answer, but for today I’ll be informing you on the one thing I know best, Zombies. More importantly, you’ll learn the best way to survive a zombie invasion.

Know Your Zombie

Not all zombies are made equally, in fact, there are several ways to animate the fallen and have them destroy the kingdoms of your enemies. As a breather about to deal with a zombie threat, it is important to get to know which zombie you are dealing with and how to deal with it.

The most common zombie is the necromantic or voodoo zombie. Necro zombies are conjured from their eternal slumber by a powerful necromancer (such as myself, Falad the Lich King!). Summoned to do the express bidding of their master Necro zombies can be single minded and almost harmless to bystanders who hide or run away. Usually controlled by a single master, these undead minions are slow, unintelligent and weak. Their only benefit is that the animated flesh is not reliant on remaining on the body. With this little perk, powerful necromancers (such as myself, Falad the Lich King) can maintain control over limbs and heads after they have been removed from the rest of the zombie. Unlike most other types of zombies, the bite of the Necro zombie is not infections and only in death can another victim be claimed to rise from the grave. Destroying a Necro zombie completely is near impossible, as they remain animated at all times. Only when they achieve their task or the necromancer is dealt with, will a Necro zombies return to their eternal slumber.

One of the more popular zombies in recent history is the Plague zombie. Chaotic necromancers will often choose to unleash the virus that summons these zombies to obtain large amounts of land at any expense (or amusement at the destruction they cause). Plague or Viral zombies are faster and more vicious than the Necro variety, they are also far more difficult to control compared to the Necro variety (except for myself, Falad the Lich King). Driven by a basic need to consume flesh, to maintain their unlife they have no intelligence and will rush head first into danger if they can sense living flesh. A side effect of this basic survival instinct causes the zombies to pack together and spread in all directions, as such, if one Plague zombie is near, there are bound to be others close by (like right behind you! Mwahaha). Being cannibalistic, these undead hordes will completely ignore other breathers that are not of the same species as themselves and this quality means they can be easily quelled by allied breather kingdoms. Dealing with the menace of Plague zombies of your own species can be very difficult, as they never tire and their infected bites mean the slightest scratch will eventually turn you. Destroying the head of all those infected will stop the virus, as will very powerful curing magics.

Apocalypse zombies are the most powerful and dangerous of all zombies. Summoned from the Nine Hells of Asmodeus by only the most powerful necromancers (like Falad, the Lich King) or devil lords, can bring these infernal beings to the material plane. Eternities of suffering within the realms of Asmodeus have turned these tortured souls into extremely powerful and brutal undead warriors. Even worse for you breathers is that Apocalypse zombies maintain a high level of intelligence, as such, simple tactics will not work as they actively hunt their prey. A pure hatred for all living creatures controls the Apocalypse zombie and they willingly follow the orders of their masters as long as their blood lust remains sated. The non-infectious bite of the Apocalypse zombie means they do not replicate as quickly as the Plague zombie but death at the rotted hands of an Apocalypse zombie claims your soul for the malevolent devil lord Asmodeus, a fate worse than mindless unlife. Disposing of the necromantic controller or the devilish master of these zombies will not quell the legions of Apocalypse zombies. Only powerful dimensional magic or banishing spells will send the undead horde back to their home within the Astral Sea.

A 4-Step Guide Of Survival

Now that you are aware of the different classifications of zombies at the disposal of necromancers (like myself, the all powerful Falad, the Lich king), you need to know how to survive and ultimately defeat these infinite undead hordes. Your best chance of living to see another day is to follow a few simple steps. By following these steps you may overcome and survive your next encounter with a legion of zombies, (unless they belong to Falad, the Lich King).

1, Locate a secure area.

When faced with countless zombies constantly swarming and hunting for flesh, having a secure building or cave will be your only hope to survive over a long period of time. Multiple escape routes are highly suggested in case the zombies manage to surpass your defences, and several magical defences should be put in place to hamper a zombie intrusion, as well as act as an early warning system.

2, Gather supplies.

Necromancers will often claim destroyed civilisations as their own land for as long as they can control it. The length of their rule can vary but planning and supplying yourselves to survive as long as possible is recommended, raiding for extra supplies as needed may become a necessity.

3, Everyone is an asset.

An important detail to realise is that everyone still living within the area of zombie infestation is an asset. Not only do greater numbers reduce your overall risk of dying and turning, but also each person has some skills that could prove useful as the number of survivors dwindle.

4, Find the Necromancer.

Chances of surviving a Zombie-Pocalypse rest on finding the necromancer responsible for the hordes of undead beasts. After locating the necromancer, plans should be made to take them out as soon as possible. Most times a powerful disenchantment can deal with the large groups of zombies that stand between you and their source, although using powerful magic will inform the necromancer of your approach. Masters of the undead tend to maintain strong defensive measures, as controlling hordes of undead can be tiring (not for Falad, the Lich King!). Be prepared to face magical traps and powerful undead guardians. If a Necromancer is in immediate danger, they will fight using a large arsenal of dark and corrupted magics and flee if they feel defeat is inevitable.

All For Entertainment

Some of you may be wondering why such a legendary and almighty lord of undeath like myself is willing to help breathers survive my glorious zombie invasions? Quite simply, Falad, the Lich King is bored of destroying civilisations with no or little challenge. So prepare yourselves and you may out wit, out last and out live the next Zombie-Pocalypse.

Do you use Zombies in your campaign? How are they used? Do you have a plan for the Zombie-Pocalypse?

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Written by Flad The Lich King

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 Comments

9 Responses to “Zombie-Pocalypse”
  1. GroovyTaxi says:

    Is it me or is everyone going crazy with zombies these days? Not like it’s bad thing (of course not!), but it’s still pretty weird with Zombieland, Halloween and Left 4 Dead 2 soon coming out, all at the same time. Oh well, sweet article, Expy’s takeover brings a nice change, even though I keep yawning everytime I hear anything about ”the Lich King” since last year. No comments.

  2. Scott says:

    Personally i think there is always some underlying zombie craziness. I look back a couple of years ago to the Resident Evil Movies, Resident Evil 4, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Land of the Dead. I think it happens every couple of years or so, like hollywoods ‘rule of 2’ (Armageddon + Deep Impact)

    On a side note, you must have yawned a bit cause Falad said his name like twenty times in that article, ha.

  3. Yax says:

    There’s no such thing as too man zombies.

  4. Kolbold Minion says:

    When I play grunt zombies, they do not have hp. I use a “dismemberment” system where the higher the roll+damage of an attack the more dismemberagation occurs.

  5. Falad, The Lich King says:

    @Yax, you say that now but you just wait until Falad, the Lich King comes to your town!then we will see who says there can never be too many zombies, mwhahahahaha

    Falad, the almighty and magnificient Lich King

  6. Sean Holland says:

    I am rather burned out on using zombies, media frenzies do that to me. Vampires too.

    What about the ‘forgotten’ undead? The mummies, the ghosts and specters, and all the rest, do not they deserve some attention too?

  7. scott says:

    @Sean Holland

    I agree with you that hollywood over uses Zombies and Vampires, even Werewolves to a point, but some of my best DnD memories involve hordes of Zombies. Nothing builds suspense like a couple of thousand mindless zombies rampaging through the land, but thats just me

    Quick question, in your opinion how do mummies differ from Liches and zombies? this is a question that i’ve pondered for awhile on and off.

  8. Kolbold Minion says:

    @scott
    In my games mummies were always deadly and retained some spellcasting ability. After all, why go through the hassle of enbalming a corpse if it is just going to become a shambling minion? Liches, on the other hand, are smart, cruel, and potent spellcasters. A lich is when a powerfull necromances joins the ranks of the undead himself. Depending on the ritual used and the age of the lich, they will be more or less corpreal. However, they all have beating, physical hearts, even if the rest of them is translucent. Liches for the win! (brownie points from Falad)

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