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D&D Bling: Barbarians

Written by Expy - Published on March 27, 2008

What is D&D bling?

Welcome to the eighth episode of D&D Bling – a look at the stylish accessorizing of heroes in medieval fantastic worlds.

D&D Bling #8: Barbarians

I can hear you think: “Wait, barbarians aren’t blinged-up! They’re half-naked most of the time.” Well, that other half is iced-out!

Axes

Barbarians like axes. All the classic heroes go into battle with swords. Fighting with an axe is not as effective, but it impresses bystanders.

Hissy fits

Barbarians want to impress their fellow party members so much that they will throw hissy fits on the battlefield when things aren’t going their way. They call it raging. I call it being starved for attention.

Tattoos

All the barbarians I know have tattoos. They won’t wear normal clothes, but they still want to be as trendy as possible. They say it’s their tribal tradition to have tattoos from head to toe. I say it’s showing off.

barbarian.jpg

A blinged-up barbarian.
Image from David Ryan Paul
Visual Development
IllustrationConcept Art

Fur

Barbarians take the druid’s staple fur coat to another level. Some barbarians wear so much fur, they look like they’ve gone berserk in a zoo.

Leather

They won’t wear it as armor because it hinders movement. So they just wear leather for looks. That’s uber-bling.

Insanely big weapons (see picture)

How big does your weapon need to be? Really. I think there’s some overcompensation here.

Proof of barbarian bling abounds

Feel free to share your disdain of barbarian fashionistas.

Want more bling?

Check the D&D bling archives.

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Written by Expy

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Expy is the mascot for DungeonMastering.com and the real mastermind behind Expy Games. He likes to hoard treasure, terrorize neighbors, burn down villages, and tell white dragon jokes..

No matter how fearful the legends claim dragons are, they always end up being defeated in 5 rounds by adventuring parties they encounter. That’s what dragons are – experience points for the heroes in your Dungeons & Dragon party. And this mascot is no different, hence the name Expy.

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D&D Bling: Barbarians, 3.0 out of 5 based on 4 ratings » Leave a comment

 

 Comments

25 Responses to “D&D Bling: Barbarians”
  1. Johnnay says:

    Yeah i agree. barbarians are just flashier, less badass fighter. a naked fighter would beat a naked barbarian in combat

  2. Marco says:

    You’re harsh on barbarians. They’re not really “blinged” up you’re stretching it.

  3. Dair de Ville says:

    I was in a party with a bard and a barbarian and it was hard to tell who was the most image-obsessed.

  4. greywulf says:

    You’re forgetting that leather cord thing all barbarians wear around their necks. And the friendship bracelets – only seen on blonde teen high-schoolers and barbarians.

    Bling it on!

  5. Fishercatt says:

    When was the last time your GM described a barbarian and you confused with something else? They’re like pro-wrestlers, only they take pride in their yuckiness.

  6. Vindictae says:

    I can’t believe you forgot to include the long, thick waves of hair that every barbarian grows. And then there’s the required jewelry made from teeth, bones, and skulls…

  7. Belt of Giant Strength

    If that ain’t bling bro, I don’t know what is!

  8. Micah says:

    Plenty of scars from the “that won’t hurt until my rage ends” mentality.

  9. Pé0 says:

    They’re the one running around with the full body tan too.

  10. Ryan Reid says:

    Barbarian bling should always include:
    The biggest axe you can wield.
    Some form of cloak for warmth.
    Hide armor.
    A crude amulet of protection or health.
    Str boosting items such as a belt or gloves.
    Boots of haste and a ring of regeneration.

  11. Eric Martindale says:

    Ever play Diablo 2?

    HUARRGH!

  12. Yax says:

    Great observations everyone. I’m kicking myself in the head repeatedly right now. I can’t believe I missed so many easy ones.

  13. Pé0 says:

    Can we help with the head kicking???

  14. Yax says:

    No. It’s a very personal activity. :P

  15. Taliesin says:

    “Insanely big weapons (see picture)”

    Yeah, and that weapon in the barbarian’s left hand is a frickin’ DAGGER. ;)

  16. Hoss99 says:

    Lets not forget that barbarians are so obsessed with having the most bling that if anyone else has any bling they will try to take it from them and smash it so that they alone will be the center of attention when it comes down to the bling.

  17. Ryan Reid says:

    There is also the Barbarian that is more of a plainsmen. Like Riverwind and Goldmoon from the Dragonlance series. More of the simple furs, hide boots stuff like that. Those are a fun way to role play the Barbarian and you have a lot less bling if you go that route. Of course you get a Blue Crystal Staff if you are Goldmoon, but that is neither here nor there.

  18. Ian Winterbottom says:

    Who says an axe is less effective!? Ever read Legend, by David Gemmell? The axe only gets one crack, but you better be good to get past it! What worries me with the jewellery is, where did they get the skulls from, and who? Terry Pratchett has a good take on the Barbarian, his is named Cohen, Quote” I wish I were twenty years younger!” “Then what would you be?” “Eighty-shix!” Unquote. His bling is a set of diamond false teeth!
    How about the tattoos, by the way, who needs jewellery when you can draw it on??
    Ian

  19. SunShadow says:

    The barbarian in our campaign is actually tailored after the spartans in 300… -___-

    That means he hasn’t tatoos, he hasn’t long hair, he hasn’t huge axes, he doesn’t wear fur…

    But he’s image-obsessed anyway XD

  20. Issac says:

    Barbarians can hold their own, if their multiclassed right. But yeah, nobody ever screamed “WWE runway-special” like Ugg from the hills. And axes make great neigbor-repelant tools.

  21. Labareda says:

    How do bone and fur wearing barbarians find the metal and expertise to make ridiculously over large two handed weapons?

    Caus they are gangsters is what and with

    Gold tooth, shirtless, ripped “barbarians” are the only class that can out Krump a bard. I mean a bard is a Bboy to the barbarians krump.

    … smash that axe to the ground, tremble with anticipated fury, make an intimidate check, throw your arms out…. RIZE!

    Heres the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0efEID-uCtE

  22. Xulebas says:

    I belive you also misunderstood something… Being half-naked is the blinkest part of the barbarian. Those huge muscles are the ultimate chick magnet…

  23. just passing by says:

    “Yeah i agree. barbarians are just flashier, less badass fighter. a naked fighter would beat a naked barbarian in combat”
    Johnnay if u were making a statement about how tough a fighter is, u made them look pretty gay with that post…

  24. Mic says:

    You forgot that the naked half is uber buff so they can show it off- Do you even lift bro?

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