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D&D Bling: Bards

Written by Expy - Published on August 23, 2007
bardontable.jpg
A Bard dances on a table
to show off his bling.

It’s D&D bling time! In this installment of the series we look at bard bling.

What is D&D bling?

Welcome to the 4th episode of D&D bling – a look at the stylish accessorizing of heroes in medieval fantastic worlds.

D&D Bling #4: Bards

Holy crap! I’m so happy I never had to put up with a bard in my party. I don’t think I could handle one in my adventuring group.

Eye-bleeding colored clothes

So much for all the XP invested in those stealth skills. Bards are so starved for attention that they will wear the flashiest clothes available. If you ever adventure with a bard you can only hope the clothes get dirty fast, otherwise your enemies will spot you a mile away.

Musical instruments

Who brings a guitar to a dragon’s lair? Seriously.

Singing during a fight

They say it helps the fighter. I say they need attention. Do you really want me to ask a fighter surrounded by 6 orcs if he’d rather have back-up or hear a tune? That’s what I thought.

Bardic knowledge

How do bards know so much? They’re not any different than other adventurers – they are really busy. They hone their magic and musical skills. They sharpen their combat abilities. They go on adventures. So where does all the knowledge come from? Whenever they have some free time they go shopping for some fancy trinket and they gossip with the old ladies at the mall.

Proof of bard bling abounds

Are you traumatized by the bardic obsession for style and fashion? Feel free to share stories and thoughts.

Want more bling?

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Written by Expy

Meet Expy The Red Dragon

Expy is the mascot for DungeonMastering.com and the real mastermind behind Expy Games. He likes to hoard treasure, terrorize neighbors, burn down villages, and tell white dragon jokes..

No matter how fearful the legends claim dragons are, they always end up being defeated in 5 rounds by adventuring parties they encounter. That’s what dragons are – experience points for the heroes in your Dungeons & Dragon party. And this mascot is no different, hence the name Expy.

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D&D Bling: Bards, 1.8 out of 5 based on 8 ratings » Leave a comment

 

 Comments

26 Responses to “D&D Bling: Bards”
  1. Jibba-Jabba says:

    Okay, you kind of miss the point. It’s a freaking fantasy game, man. If we wanted it to ber realistic, we’d get a job or something.

  2. Yax says:

    The point is this:

    Do bards like bling?

    And the answer is yes, so I’m kind of right. And I tried working. Not a big fan.

  3. Dave Berg says:

    I too hate the idea of Bards in a party. They could be good NPCs from whom to gather info in a game. However, as a flamboyant, instrument toting PC, they just seem out of place in any serious adventuring party. I say leave the musical instruments at home and focus on the storytelling & lore abilities.

    in short…..DEFINITELY TOO MUCH BLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Stûnibu says:

    “Okay, you kind of miss the point. It’s a freaking fantasy game, man. If we wanted it to ber realistic, we’d get a job or something.”
    I once bagged Yax out about his “bling” section but since then have grown in wisdom, its a funny place for a laugh, or 2 look at the other side of a class!

    Im enjoying them now :)

  5. Pe0 says:

    Actually, I find Bards are blinged up in reality as well… Take ’50 cents’ as an example:

    – He sings (well, kind of…)
    – He fights (well, he gets shot at…)
    – He likes bling (definitely)

    Bards should be disqualified from D&D because they are not fantastic enough. I dismiss the spellcasting part, it’s proably drug-related and I don’t endorse that.

  6. Nic says:

    I so agree with Pe0… It’s almost as if I could have typed that myself!

    Down with Bards (and Dwarves!)

  7. Yax says:

    I don’t believe there is an “s” in “50 cent”. It is grammatical bardly extravagance.

  8. Phil Smith says:

    You missed out one crucial thing about bards and their penchant for bling. All those abilities that cross over into the domains of other classes. Their Use Magic Device skill.

    They don’t just want their own bling. They want everyone else’s too!

  9. Stûnibu says:

    IT is the point of a bard to be an all rounder though!

  10. Yax says:

    I can’t believe I forgot to rant about the bards walking around with dozens of blingy magic items they shouldn’t even TRY to use!

    Oh well. Might use it for D&D bling: rogues!

  11. Rebekah says:

    First – what a great site! Found it accidentally on a google ad that popped up on my blog.

    I’ve never really seen a useful bard as a pc. They always seem to suck at combat and mostly only succeed in annoying all of the other players.
    However, I find that they make infuriating bad guys if they are actually good at something else as well. Nothing makes players more enraged than a flamboyant singing menace who is constantly thwarting them. :P

  12. sylvain says:

    Something you forgot to mention is their frequent toting of rapier/thin sharp stylish obejects. Their simply seems to be some strange quasi-bling-metaphor for having a sharp wit and a sharp tounge, a la Mercutio, from Romeo and Juliet

  13. amanda says:

    I find that because the bards are just flashy out of place people you have to work the character story a bit to fit in better sometimes. Like right now I am playing a gypsy healer style bard. She loves her bling as she knows the apprasial value of things, but she uses healing herbs andtravel skills to help the ranger find food and the like. Also with the clothing, you can make a bard that owns various outfits if she doesn’t go far rom her home. My has a halfling cart she brings with her so she loves to dress up and has 6 different outfit she brings with her.
    With this in mind I have made my character essencial to the party even with the added bling as she always has supplies on hand with her caravan, she always has healing herbs and dried rations, she has super powerful bonuses when she sings or uses spells, (she is going to have)the feat which allows her to cast by singing so she can use spells without depicting her actions or words. She is a compatible, helpful bard.

  14. Ed Healy says:

    Bard are great in parties… just not on adventures :)

  15. Bird says:

    hey never underestimate the old ladys at the mall. they know stuff….

    but seriously bards can make the storyline better. lol one time i had a DM who gave my fighter this longsword of somekinda bard and it would sing at me and make up rhymes lol it was the coolest thing ever. bards are kinda like the jack of all trades so they have there uses. but yes bards are ultimately the most blingafied class sometimes taking up the role of the actual blingage

  16. Dooda says:

    I play a bard… Specificaly a halfling bard… Aint that scary? Bards are good characters if you know how to play them. I do not I play a bard as chomic relief.

  17. Labareda says:

    Bards are about BASS.

    As they cruise alongside the rest of the party their ride is bouncin.

    Pneumatic Barding +5, to get your ride bouncin.

    You got to respect their Krumping!

  18. Don't Wanna Tell says:

    Bards Suck Because They Can’t Just Use Normal Weapons Like Other Ppl And Their Lyre Sucks Because When They Are Lvl 1 They Can’t Even Use Them To Their Full Extent Or Even Partial Effect (i.e. Spells, Songs, Ect.)!

  19. Eric Martindale says:

    It’s “Fiddy” cent, not “50”. Don’t make him uh… sing rap at you.

  20. Alphawolf0019 says:

    I LOLed hard at this. A great deal of this is true, but I dislike the straight out bard-dissing. In a party (the Frontline/Tank, the skill expert, the Arcane, the Healer), the Bard makes the perfect 5th. Why? Because with the right feats, they are pretty good. and the only reason why any of them suck in combat is because their abilities and feats just aren’t right. Given, they aren’t exactly a frontline, but they are a very good class. I play one, and he comes in very handy in the party. He can’t really deal much damage, but his singing allows others to deal more and hit harder. In my party, he comes in very handy because of his high charisma and some skills, he is the guy to go to in order to find out information. Everyone pretty much likes him (I rolled an 18 for his cha., and as of now, he’s gotten that up to a 20), so he can diffuse a potential volatile diplomatic situation. And whenever we’re in towns, his perform net’s a decent amount of spending gold.

    And to set this straight, I absolutely agree with the fact that they ARE blinged out quite a bit. But then again, they should stand out. Otherwise, they won’t be noticed by the crowds when they’re performing for gold. Plus, it makes the scout hate you when you they point an arrow at your head saying “Help me gather information- or else” and then they just start laughing on the ground from Tasha’s Hideous Laughter as the bard walks off saying “Don’t be foolish enough to try that again.” I think they add personality to a game. :)

  21. Kiki says:

    we have a bard in our campain. Besides giving us information we wouldn’t really know, he’s pretty useless. Well, except that he didn’t end up “giving” my 100 gold once…. ok I stole it, but hey Im a rogue, what do you expect?

  22. justme says:

    ” How do bards know so much? They’re not any different than other adventurers – they are really busy. They hone their magic and musical skills. They sharpen their combat abilities. They go on adventures. So where does all the knowledge come from? Whenever they have some free time they go shopping for some fancy trinket and they gossip with the old ladies at the mall.”

    Well, we brads know so mush ’cause we collect stories while traveling.
    We pick up a lot of information that could be usefull to help others

  23. justme says:

    “Bards Suck Because They Can’t Just Use Normal Weapons Like Other Ppl And Their Lyre Sucks Because When They Are Lvl 1 They Can’t Even Use Them To Their Full Extent Or Even Partial Effect (i.e. Spells, Songs, Ect.)!”

    We CAN have normal weapons, I fight with a shortbow and a longsword.
    And now I’m lvl 6, I can cast spells while singing (awesome feat), and I can borrow the burning war axe from my friend, throw it, do a lot of damage, and when the axe retuns, I give it back.
    BARDS RULE!

  24. Jester says:

    id probably get pissed at the bard and break his instrument for being annoying, yay for short tempered fighters :D -uses bard as a human mace- finally he’s useful

  25. Kat says:

    It’s possible to play a bard without the “bling.” :P You just have to have a good *character.* The stereotypical bard is a bit flamboyant, I will admit, but part of the magic of DnD is that your characters don’t have to be stereotypical. Best character I’ve seen was a barbarian gnome.
    As to fighting, if the character is built decently enough, bards can hold their own in a fight. They’re just not meant to be a fighter. They act as spellcasters, making sure that you can get those killer hits. So, if the fight is long enough, a bard can collectively do as much damage as a normal hit, while backing people up.
    And they’re good diplomats. Scratch that, they’re kick ass diplomats. And if your DM gives you EXP for diplomacy, it’s even better than getting into a brawl.

    Granted, they’re not my favorite class by far, but they’re worth being given credit.

    @Jester: I find it funny that you’re named after a Harlequin, which is a bard of sorts, and yet bash them. Additionally, you’d be losing those +1/2/… bonuses that the Bard would give you.

  26. Grandfather_Time says:

    The Bard

    He sings, yes.
    He plays a lute, yes.
    He likes bling, yes.
    He summons demons, elementals and creatures to fight for him, yes.

    He can ridicule players who think bards suck by making them dance uncontrollably, then kill them while they are defenseless and dancing uncontrollably, yes.

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