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D&D Bling: Paladins

Written by Expy - Published on August 6, 2007

What is D&D bling?

Welcome to the first episode of D&D Bling – a look at the stylish accessorizing of heroes in medieval fantastic worlds.

D&D Bling #1: Paladins

Paladins are an obvious choice to kick off this new series of articles. They started the trend of knights in shining armor. A regular armor will not do. It has to be shiny. That’s bling.


A blinged up paladin

An ubiquitous fashion statement in the paladin community is the medallion. Does it really represent their deity? If it was only a symbol of their faith they would keep it small. But most pallys wear cumbersome, intricate golden medallions. And then they claim to live in poverty and say all their gold coins go to charity. Yeah, right.


Yet another proof paladins are obsessed with bling is their mounts. How annoying is it to a party when a paladin claims that he has to go on a quest to acquire a pimped mount. They’re all about having a dope ride.

Big swords

It is also common to see paladins with swords that glow – which has no utility in combat.

Attention junkies

While we’re on the topic of combat – why do pallys warn their enemies before attacking. They claim it is the honorable thing to do. I say they just want to show off their gear to evil-doers before cutting them up into pieces.

Proof of paladin bling abounds

Have you ever witnessed the hypocrisy of the blinged up and pimped up paladin? Share your comments and frustration here!

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Written by Expy

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Expy is the mascot for DungeonMastering.com and the real mastermind behind Expy Games. He likes to hoard treasure, terrorize neighbors, burn down villages, and tell white dragon jokes..

No matter how fearful the legends claim dragons are, they always end up being defeated in 5 rounds by adventuring parties they encounter. That’s what dragons are – experience points for the heroes in your Dungeons & Dragon party. And this mascot is no different, hence the name Expy.

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12 Responses to “D&D Bling: Paladins”
  1. Pal Mercy says:

    I love paladins notice my name I even got a flying mount once. with a golden armour. that was bling!

  2. Gryphon says:

    I love Paladins too, they suit my personality as well as (one) of my RP’ing styles.

    I do however use a couple of variants which I am willing to share with you…If I could but work out how.

    Yax old fruit (yes I am british…no that does not refer to sexuality) how does one post something that has formatting in it? You have the information anyway (don’t post the whole file though please…you will get me shot)

    I took apart what makes them interesting and re-jigged it, as the difficulty with paladins is they are (like the old 3e ranger) very front loaded. Hence I messed with the progressions and added in a few little abilities like to have a your sword become more magical as you level. Paladins thus EARN their weapon not ‘earn’, buy or ‘steal’ (sorry find) it.

    I also do a completely none spell casting paladin, which makes more sense to me than a spell casting one…same for ranger actually.

    Oh and before anyone says ooo rip off, I wrote them well before UA came out.

  3. Pé0 says:

    Can’t wait for the part on Cleric!

  4. Phil Smith says:

    Clerics are obviously loaded with ecclesiastical bling, yeah. But what about wizards and sorcerers? Claiming the majority of rings, bracers and amulets. For protective purposes. Yeah, right. Sure. Believe it if you like…

  5. Yax says:

    Don’t get me started on wizards and sorcerers. They’re uber-bling-hoarders. They’ll get their own episode of D&D Bling for sure.

  6. Jester says:

    stupid pallys and their shiny swords and armor id knock them out just so an enemy wouldnt notices us trying to sneak up on them. can u imagine “i see the shinying pally” id say u son of a! ur gonna get us killed!

  7. Hagalahak says:

    yes im newb to the game im on my third story.
    the first two i was a barbarian and then a fighter.
    now im starting a pally and im finding him to be
    more then just a “meat head” like my first two
    characters were, and after researching and
    building my character it’s funny to have read the
    article. well because my pally has his fare share of bling,
    and enough flare to take jennifer aniston’s job… that was in reference to the movie along came polly,staring ben stiller and jennifer aniston…

    keep the articles coming.

  8. Greedy Paul says:

    @jester, a good tactic to use the stupidly blinged out pally to your parties advantage, convince him that theres more bling ahead and use him as bait. his impending doom is the rest of the parties gain. if he makes it out……… well, you can always say “oops”. usually he wont(as long as the dm has done his job right). i try to hang back and watch the goblin hordes take him, then as theyre celebrating their victory over the stupid pally that just ran valliantly to his death, the rest of the party slaughhters them. they never see it coming. and as of yet, the kid that incists on making strictly pallys hasnt caught on. power to the rangers.

  9. Honeypaw says:

    Sure, paladins have the shiny armor. This helps with morale; no doubt you’ve heard the expression “knight in shining armor,” this is the embodiment of that. Also, if their armor is ugly enough, it could incur a charisma penalty, and charisma is an important stat for paladins.

    Yes, paladins have big medallions. Technically, it’s a “holy symbol.” You want something you can easily grab during an emergency. What are you going to grab to repel that vampire: the tasteful itty-bitty necklace holy symbol; or the big, sturdy, hand-friendly one off the wall? If it’s heavy and solid enough to use for an improvised bludgeon, all the better.

    Doesn’t a paladin’s mount come from the celestial plane or something? I never use mine. I will concede this point.

    Yes, paladins have big swords. Big swords cause big d8 or d12 damage. Would you rather the paladin switched to a goes-with-my-outfit dagger that only does d4 damage?

    Yes, sometimes the swords glow. I’ll never forget the time I decided to enforce lighting rules in my game:
    Me: Suddenly, the room is plunged into darkness! What do you use for lighting?
    Player: I’m wielding this big glowing sword, remember?
    Me: Oh, right.
    The glowing sword is the “Doom 3 duct tape patch” of D&D.

    Yes, paladins are attention junkies. “Hey, monster! I’ve got d10 hit dice! Focus all your attention at me! Not the d4-hit-dice gnome in the back who’s preparing Lightning and Fireball spells!”


Check out what others are saying about this post...
  1. Dungeon Mastering » D&D Bling: Druids says:

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  2. […] I only knew I wanted to offer a fresh view of D&D. I was hoping that funny articles like the D&D Bling series or Expy the dragon would be quite […]

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