Yeah! It’s D&D bling time. I like the bling articles because they’re fun to write and they sometimes trigger some hip hop bling Google Ads. I saw an ad for Iced Out Gear on the post about druid bling. Needless to say it made my day.
What is D&D bling?
Welcome to the third episode of D&D Bling - a look at the stylish accessorizing of heroes in medieval fantastic worlds.
D&D Bling #3: Wizards
Gee! Where should I start? Wizards are aguably the most blinged up class in all of D&D. All that study time leaves them starving for attention. They have to overcompensate with flashy gear and tricks.
Crystall balls - they look nice
on a desk, don’t they.
Pointy hats
What’s up with that fashion trend?
Beard
They can’t wear armor so they compensate with facial hair. Not as useful as a full plate but it grabs attention.
Rings
Wizards love bling rings. The D&D rule about 1 ring per hand was added because of wizards. It keeps them from spending years, all their fortune and lifeforce to forge 10 pimping rings. (I’ve even heard of a wizard who had 20 rings.)
Amulets
Heavy chains are a staple among wizards and bling lovers worldwide.
Familiar
Is anything more annoying than a wizard with a pet frog or bat? I can’t stand the little buggers. Why would you want a pet frog anyway? It’s useless. It’s digusting. It’s a fashion statement.
Scrolls
They’re never just scrolls. They’re elaborate rune scrolls. Would it kill the wizards to just write in plain common in their regular handwriting? They’d save a lot of time. But I guess they would lose some of their precious mystique.
Gibberish
Wizards always make up fancy words that don’t mean anything. But “speaking magic” impresses normal people. Now this scam has gone so far that wizards need a Read Magic spell to decipher their own meaningless extravagances.
Hypnotic pattern
Even spells reflect wizards’ tendancy to focus on looks instead of results. Take the spell Hypnotic Patterns for example. I’d rather have the wizard in my party study spells that kill, maim, or hurt. If I want monsters to stare in awe or confusion I’ll ask the dwarf to dance. It’s always something to behold.
Staves
A wizard staff is rarely just a piece of wood. It usually is fitted with a large gem.
Towers
Everyone else lives in a house, manor, or maybe a castle. But wizards dart off the the nearest empty tower as soon as they can. Maybe they’re overcompensating for something.
Proof of wizard bling abounds
That’s an understatement. Feel free to share your thoughts and frustrations about wizards style choices with me.
Previous installments of D&D Bling
20 Comments
3:10 pm on August 16th, 2007
This is hilarious. I hate mages.
4:00 pm on August 16th, 2007
Man you should change the title to D&D diss not bling!!!
5:53 pm on August 16th, 2007
My wizard is so pimped up he’s a goth vampire-lovin’ freak… but well accessorized with a shiny dwarf sidekick to make him look taller and cooler by contrast.
6:01 pm on August 16th, 2007
Now that is a smart wizard. I always knew there was a reason mages even tolerate dwarves.
6:04 pm on August 16th, 2007
I knew I should have searing rayed him!!!
5:49 am on August 18th, 2007
haha u should tolerate Dwarves cause they the best race :P the question should be “why would a Dwarf tolerate a wizard!” not that i got it in for wizards but sorcerers have got 2 be at lest twice as good!!
1:24 pm on August 18th, 2007
Yeah! WHy sould dwarves tolerate wizards?
1:55 pm on August 18th, 2007
I know I shouldn’t. That could be a good campaig ender. The dwarf cleric tired of being with the power hungry midly evil wizard finally decided the world would be better and flamestrike his ass to the grave.
6:22 pm on August 18th, 2007
yax, it was you who said “I always knew there was a reason mages even tolerate dwarves.”
but now you saying “Yeah! WHy sould dwarves tolerate wizards?”
I think some one needs to deside whos side their on!
6:45 pm on August 18th, 2007
“they sometimes trigger some hip hop bling Google Ads” ever since readign that i have taken note of the google adds! they can be rather funny!!
8:21 pm on August 18th, 2007
I changed my mind because a wizard mind-controlled me.
12:03 am on August 19th, 2007
That is a stupid wizard! you went from liking them to not! :S
4:36 am on August 19th, 2007
Maybe it was a confusion spell cast by a dwarven wizard?
5:15 am on August 19th, 2007
Thats actuly a good point! a Dwarven wizard would have 2 tolarate its self! or go mad :P
6:35 am on September 13th, 2007
Definitely some bling with wizards. Ours has an obscene number of magical items that he claims only he should wear because he “understands” them. He looks like Elton John with all of his rings! He always makes a point to describe his blue bathrobe that he wears into battle and to flaunt his boots of teleportation (which he always uses to escape when the battle gets rough.)
10:27 am on September 28th, 2007
I prefer understated elegance. its classier ;P Like a staff of the Magi, nothing says class like a major Artifact. And an extra planer familiar, with a extradimensional “familar pocket” plain white robes, that are always clean!
1:06 pm on September 28th, 2007
I have to agree that classy bling is better than regular bling. But it’s still bling!
9:01 am on January 4th, 2008
man this is pretty funny, but yeah, socerers are MUCH cooler
11:46 am on April 23rd, 2008
20 RINGS!!!! one for each finger and one for each toe lol
7:06 pm on July 10th, 2008
Necromancy allows you to graft extra hands for extra ring bling potential!
Hands on the head is almost as cool as antlers!