Expy, my juvenile red dragon friend, loves to trash-talk any non-red dragon. He recently bumped into a white dragon and he’s been begging me to allow him to write a rant on white dragons ever since. I wouldn’t usually allow it but he’s been on his best behavior lately, only terrorizing a handful of nearby villages.

So here is what Expy has to say about white dragons. Enjoy.

Expy the dragon says:A white dragon is overweight, so its doctor puts it on a diet.“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 800 pounds.”When the white dragon returns, it has lost nearly 2000 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The white dragon nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the white dragon!

Hanging out, gaining levels

The great thing about being a dragon is that you can hang out for a few decades, hoarding bling, and on your birthday you sometimes gain the ability to cast new spells. My 51th birthday is coming up and I’m about to get 2 extra spellcaster levels, damage reduction, spell resistance, and extra roasting power.

I can’t tell you how excited I am.

OMG! A frost giant!

Anyhow, some of my red buddies were throwing a party for the occasion and a white dragon showed up!

Before we could roast him to a crisp the whitey started begging for our protection! Can you believe that? A dragon? Asking to be saved? And from what was that white dragon - actually I’m going to call them dragonlike creatures from now - so, what was it running from? A frost giant.

Yep, that’s right. These white dragonlike creatures actually have natural predators. I even checked Yax’s DMG because I couldn’t believe it. Frost giants hunt whiteys for food, armor, and pets!

How many white dragons must you skin to make an armor?

If you’re a giant, a lot - because we all know you can’t even make a human-sized armor from 1 white dragonlike creature! They’re too small.

Anyhow, we kicked the whitey out to watch him figth the giant - very entertaining combat, by the way. Before heading out to risk a violent death the dragonlike creature told us we were cold-hearted, to which I replied:

“I thought you were immune to cold!”