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Expy talks about white dragons

Written by Expy - Published on October 25, 2007

Expy, my juvenile red dragon friend, loves to trash-talk any non-red dragon. He recently bumped into a white dragon and he’s been begging me to allow him to write a rant on white dragons ever since. I wouldn’t usually allow it but he’s been on his best behavior lately, only terrorizing a handful of nearby villages.

So here is what Expy has to say about white dragons. Enjoy.

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Expy the dragon says:A white dragon is overweight, so its doctor puts it on a diet.“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 800 pounds.”When the white dragon returns, it has lost nearly 2000 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The white dragon nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the white dragon!

Hanging out, gaining levels

The great thing about being a dragon is that you can hang out for a few decades, hoarding bling, and on your birthday you sometimes gain the ability to cast new spells. My 51th birthday is coming up and I’m about to get 2 extra spellcaster levels, damage reduction, spell resistance, and extra roasting power.

I can’t tell you how excited I am.

OMG! A frost giant!

Anyhow, some of my red buddies were throwing a party for the occasion and a white dragon showed up!

Before we could roast him to a crisp the whitey started begging for our protection! Can you believe that? A dragon? Asking to be saved? And from what was that white dragon – actually I’m going to call them dragonlike creatures from now – so, what was it running from? A frost giant.

Yep, that’s right. These white dragonlike creatures actually have natural predators. I even checked Yax’s DMG because I couldn’t believe it. Frost giants hunt whiteys for food, armor, and pets!

How many white dragons must you skin to make an armor?

If you’re a giant, a lot – because we all know you can’t even make a human-sized armor from 1 white dragonlike creature! They’re too small.

Anyhow, we kicked the whitey out to watch him figth the giant – very entertaining combat, by the way. Before heading out to risk a violent death the dragonlike creature told us we were cold-hearted, to which I replied:

“I thought you were immune to cold!”

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Written by Expy

Meet Expy The Red Dragon

Expy is the mascot for DungeonMastering.com and the real mastermind behind Expy Games. He likes to hoard treasure, terrorize neighbors, burn down villages, and tell white dragon jokes..

No matter how fearful the legends claim dragons are, they always end up being defeated in 5 rounds by adventuring parties they encounter. That’s what dragons are – experience points for the heroes in your Dungeons & Dragon party. And this mascot is no different, hence the name Expy.

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13 Responses to “Expy talks about white dragons”
  1. ChattyDM says:

    Arhgggggg!

    Expy, have you taken the Epic Punchline feat?

    Lol @ the blo… huh White Dragon Sidebar joke.

  2. Expy says:

    All Red Dragons have a great sense of humor (a chaotic-evil-like sense of humor, but still).

  3. Pé0 says:

    Nice. Can’t wait for expy to have his own show. He might even consider to think about running for president.

  4. Expy says:

    I’m working on a series called “Expy on the hoof” – which was a suggestion by a Dungeon Mastering reader.

  5. Expy always brings a smile to my face… especially making those silly whites look so sad and pathetic! Way to go, Expy! :)

  6. some unsolcalized homescooler says:

    no offense Expy but white drakes are sweet!
    (i like reds better but blues are my favorite)

    hey do article on blues soon.
    :-)

  7. Mike The Merciless says:

    I’ve killed more PCs with White Dragons than with any other type of dragon. Then again, it’s extremely rare for PCs to kill any of my full grown dragons. But White Dragons are almost always underestimated as the “Fredo” of the Chromatic Dragons. And then they get up those icy mountains and find that the White Dragon runs around in packs, with numerous White Dragon buddies, all of whom like the ice and snow, and will wait til you get into a nice place with which to conduct a thoroughly effective ambush. Ahh, there’s nothing like telling a Rogue PC how a dragon grapples him to the ground and uses the full effect of his breath weapon against him. No Evasion for him! Good times. Gooood times.

  8. ninjaguineapig says:

    what I would of done is kill the giant and make the white wannabe my slave for the rest of his life.
    It’s all about the minions

  9. theinternetisbig says:

    All the red dragons I run are snarky…

    BTW, red dragons don’t need minions. Especially not dragonlike creature minions. It would be embarrasing for Expy to even be seen with a white dragonline creature.

    What happened to all those dragonlance dragons? They all killed themselves out of shame for depending on dragonolike creatures all the time… BOOM, thats the end of dragonlance.

    I have other anecdotes about the ends of other discontinued campaign settings… Guess what brought about the end of Dark Sun…

    [HINT]

    It wasn’t global warming….

  10. Elderon the dragon says:

    hey i use a 20th Level Brass Dragon as a PC and i’ve gone toe to toe well claw to claw with some red dragons and there pretty tough ok and kudos to you Expy on the big 51 my man ill be turnin 151 here soon hope to see you at my party

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