Famous Dungeons & Dragons last words
Posted by Yax on December 14, 2007
Famous D&D last words
Heard just before a character died:
- Are you sure you want to do that?
- I want to ride the dragon turtle!
- What exactly do you mean when you say “save or die”?
- I thought all city guards were incompetent!
- You don’t have the weapon proficiency to use that vorpal sword.
- Wait. That’s not a healing potion!
- I’ll try to climb down that cliff.
- Let’s sneak around that dragon.
- It’s only a zombie bite. How bad can it be?
- I hate rust monsters!
- Wait! That’s not a helmet of water breathing!
- Let’s attack the magic academy.
- If the DM planned this encounter we can win it!
- Run!
- I jump through the prismatic wall and I try to avoid the purple spots.
Famous last words by Karmakaze.com
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Famous D&D last words…
Diese dürften wohl jedem DM nur allzu bekannt vorkommen, click =)
What exactly do you mean when you say “save or die”?…
Thief: “I’ll move silently and then garrote the Medusa.”
-True story
Surely you’re missing the most common last words though;
“If we roll really well…”
“That was the final boss, I’m sure it’s safe from here on out.”
“Lets go out there and talk to it…”
Red Dragons don’t negotiate!
That’s only 5 feet wide, we can all jump it!
it was, however, 1000 feet deep.
This one came too often: ”Another 20!!!”
Kender: “Ok, so I put the portable hole in my bag of holding”
DM: “…”
This one was great, it was in a DnD game that I tossed a little star wars into.
“Whats a lightsaber?” Fssssshhhh
Player played the character to the hilt, I gave him extra exp after he got resurected.
“Let’s follow that ghostly little girl…”
Ah, memories. *chuckles*
“I throw a stone, and when he looks the other way…”
that only works on bad TV my friend.
You forgot “You have angered the gazebo.”
Captain of the Guards: “You can’t take weapons in to see the King.”
Maybe it’s just me, but my players always get suspicious and aggressive whenever an NPC attempts to relieve them of their weapons. Then again, when every-other person you meet ends up trying to stab you, staying armed is probably a good idea.
“Who was that guy and why was he here?”
“We’ll never know. You rolled a 14 on your stabilize check, remember?”
How about — “I want to challenge my god to a duel”
-A response to a threat from a high level enemy:
Player: “I don’t think you want to kill me.”
Enemy: “Oh? Why not?”
Player: “I have something you want.”
-After watching a group of town guards get pin-cushioned by archers in the street, a player walked outside and uttered these memorable words. “What’s going on out here?”
I drank what?
No, it’s cool, I only need an 18 to pass.
Player , attempting to leap over an enemy, spin and stab in midair, land on the other side, “I’m gonna Matrix it!”
DM “Ok, give me a jump check, then a tumble check, another jump check, and an attack roll.”
Two nat ones later…
“Hey, I’m gonna pop the top offa Sprite, you guys want one?”
5,000 Sprites suddenly emerge and a quick nat one later…
Said during a Forgotten Realms campaign to a cleric: “You know, I’m just getting a little sick of hearing you go on about this Mystra chick. Mystra’s stupid anyways!”
I was DM…I spilled soda all over my self leaping for my dice. LOL
Bard:Oh we’re crazy you don’t want to mess with us!
*stabs dying party member barbarian in the side killing him*
‘Yeh, I want to turn on the experimental rocket boots’
Paranoia campaign
Doing or saying anything in a Paranoia campaign is usually fatal.
Mage : “Which way does the giant fall?”
A:On top of the palidin
lol- It’s ok, I’ve got 10 ranks in tumble and 6 in jump..
Orks can’t clear much more than 20ft
and ‘I’m lawful chaotic, I can’t let you steal…. *Stab with greatsword*…. Anybody round here know a cleric???
“ok we will attack the troll with the ballista”
next campaign:
“hey did you hear about the troll who uses a ballista like a crossbow?”
come on, anything but a 1 ;)
dying words for anyone
“Uh, can I re-roll that?”
“I attempt to eat the manticore!”
“I chew on the dead zombie’s bones!”
“Sweet! This corpse had food!”
“Hey, man? Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
my favorite
“‘cept me”, “cept me” “they all went in ‘cept me”
theres a cept mee in every group
I love the list.
And this one
“No, I’m not gonna check for traps. We haven’t run in to a trap yet!”
poor ikdar. he never even made level 3.
Ok here my list:
-Deep down in an abadoned mine, a group of DP walk into an open room, the thief of the group looks up a shaft in the middle of the room and mutters the words-”guys whats that black thing coming down the shaft?”
-Middle of the capital city- “Look at all those gimps in uniform”
-Most obvious one of the lot- “What does this do?”
-”Oh look a butterfly” this came from a hald blind monk, it was a dragon.
-”Whats that pointy thing?”
-”Why are the shodows moving?”
This list made me laugh. A couple others:
Oh, c’mon, let’s get a move-on, Wolfslasher. I’m sure there’s nothing lurking in that dark corridor ahead.
Well, we forgot a long staff and it is a 10×10 corridor in the castle of a wizard with an affinity for gelatinous cubes, but let’s bully on anyway.
The elf shot the food.
“That thing is made of water… I drink water!”
“I’ll show you were-wolf!”
In a campaign dealing specifically with the creatures.. such a temperamental character. (Who was a bard, and wrongly accused of being such.. and who subsequently killed the entire village while his party fought the real were-wolves..)
DM : You hear a “click”
(in a dungeon corridor)
Arkanis the 1st lvl thief : I throw myself on the floor, hoping to evade the trap
DM : The spikes on the floor pierce you..36dmg, you die.
(Hey it’s in the module!)
So, my 3 other thief characters where Arkanis the second, the third and the fourth.
They didn’t survive either :(
“Surely fire will scare the water elemental away.”
“I can’t get rid of this cursed sword so I might as well use it.”
Followed by rolls of 1, back in 2nd ed. when magic items blew up when they broke. Fortunately only one character died, and not the one using it.
“It’s only a chicken.”
As the “Chicken” goes on to kill the player that sputtered that nonsense.
i can use my bedroll as a parachute!
Here’s one, its a true story…
Barbarian finds two potions:
DM: Do you want to identify them first?
Barbarian: Who cares? I’m a Barbarian, what’s the worst that could happen?
(The bottles were full of Alchemist’s Fire. That took some dice to figure out.)
There’s more humor at The Warmaster’s Guild http://johna3.home.comcast.net
LOL as long as the barbarians don’t make any sudden movements the only one who will be affected is the bathroom stall…..KABOOM
This is my favorite.
” I’m sure i rolled a 20″
” no dude…..it was a 2″
DM: I’s a critical hit…but you should be alright.
Player: Really!!
DM: Oops…forgot to add the strength modifier.
Player: “I wanna play a Drow Paliden!”
(he got kidnaped a lot after that)
MindFlayer player: “I kick the Paiden in the nuts!”
(What? He was immune to my psyonic attack!)
Dwarf Barb player: “I will attampt to run past the three Cockitrice!”
(that didn’t end well)
One Pirate to another: “I’ve got it we’ll steal one of those halfing children and raise him as our cabin boy!”
Real comments in my games:
Party: “We summon the hydra” (proved to wipe out the whole party)
Adventurer: “Is that a detonating device the cyborg has?” (another whole party went down)
Party: “We free the demon from it’s icy imprisonment”
Adventurer: “Cool a Sphinx, I run up and answer it’s riddle” (Sphinx was really a manticore).
“The Tarrasque can’t be that tough”
“come on guys, why would the DM kill us?” (poor noob)
“I throw my chair at the biggest guy in the bar”
“People can’t do more damage to you when you’re below 0, right?”
“I cook the zombie meat, that sterilizes it!”
“I pour my healing potion on the zombie, that hurts them right?” (either it heals them to you, or it it works, but he doesn’e have another for when he needs it, now does he?)
“what do you mean ‘the disguise kit can’t hide my tail’?”
“*in the midst of battle*hey guys, remember when that guy made me drop my sword back there? I just realized I never picked it back up…”
“(to an evil cleric in a diplomacy check) Orcus? You worship whales?”
“That _______(insert non-strength oriented class here)doesn’t look so tough”
“I accept the Gnome’s offer. Awesome, I get paid for being a lab rat!!!”
“A giant metal bull!!!(gorgon) I walk up and use animal empathy”
“I know, we can all hide inside the bag of holding!!”
“*to an ex-paladin Blackgaurd* So, does this mean the stick up your butt is thorny now, or what?”
“what do you mean ‘you need more dice for this one’?”
hey, is this padlock locked?
“Quick, give me the *only means of escape* I’ve got a plan!”
“But it only has two arms in the picture..”
“phht.. we’re only first level, he wouldn’t use that on us”
“Of course it’s a potion of flying - it tastes like strawberry, the last one tasted like strawberry…”
and our all time favorite (from Undermountain)
“Do you look?”
Players: We open the door, what do we see?
DM: Impending doom.
Players: We go towards it.
(Note: this was actual dialog in a game I played in once in college.)
“He looks trustworthy” :D
“I’ve got it, I’ll use a disguise spell to sneak into the drow camp!”
-During a Hell Campaign-
“Wait a minute, how exactly do we get to Hell?”
“What’s a Mindflayer?”
“I don’t know about you guys, but I wanna slay the dragon!”
“Let’s do a vampire campaign!”
“Whats with that creepy kid with the giant book?”
“Chipmunk? How tough could it be?” (our guides definition of a chipmunk was very different from yours)
Oh Yeah, YOU and what army?!!
Oh… That army.
(actually they survived — by bravely running away)
True story
‘ Dooda sticks his finger up the aligators nose.’
Lets just say that did not go to well.
You can’t auto-fail saves… right?
“Oh yeah? Check this out.”
All that we checked out was a nat. 1.
Just last night:
“You will pay for that little man!” It doesn’t pay to anger your party member who is a ninja assassin halfling, even if you are a beast of a fighter.
“What do you mean a mountain just fell on us??!!!”
Oh gawd I have a player who is always doing really stupid stuff. He’s lucky I’m a very merciful DM
“I suck on the thingies coming out of its head!!!” while fighting a mindflayer
One time they found “the Endless Stair” that led down to another plane. “I slide down on my bedroll!!!!”
PC “Sooo, there’s no way out of this cell???”
DM “You don’t have any ranks in Escape artist, so no, not for you.”
PC “I bash my head against the ground so it looks like the guards are abusing me”
DM “OOK… How much damage do you let yourself take?”
PC “As much as I can without going unconcious”
Just after that he was freed by someone else, but then they had to fight the entire garrison……. with 0 hp