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Geeks Next Door – Evasive Maneuvers!

Written by Geeks Next Door - Published on July 2, 2009

Jessi, Mattt, Barry, and Maggie share their adventures with Dungeon Mastering readers. Follow them on Twitter: Barry, Maggie. You can read more GND @ GeeksNextComic.com

This is a guest post from Geeks Next Door. They agreed to write D&D-related strips for Dungeon Mastering and share their thoughts on their creative process, as well as their Dungeons and Dragons adventures. Enjoy!

Geeks Next Door on DM #7

Thoughts from the Geeks Next Door

The GND crew agreed to give their thoughts and comments on the strips they write for Dungeon Mastering. Let us know what you think by leaving a comment. I hope you enjoyed the webcomic.

JESSI – NEVER mess with Maggie’s beer.  Someone’s about to get their ass kicked, for sure.  Barry, er, Llew, definitely made a big mistake here.  I wonder, though –  what’s your favorite in-character “oh-crap-I-shouldn’t-have-done-that” moment?  Ooh, and, did you live to tell the tale?  Everyone has their stupid moments – it’s always wise to look back, laugh, and say, “…yeah, I’m not doing that again”.  By the way, even though we won’t be able to make it to GenCon this year, we will be at Otakon in Baltimore, Maryland on July 17-19.  If you get a chance, please come by the Artists Alley and say hello!

MATT – I don’t usually have players that are that cowardly.  But running away is a time-honored tradition, I have to admit.  And a tavern brawl to unite the party is an equally time-honored tradition.  All that remains now is luring Jessi’s character into the mayhem….which may take a bit of thought.  Evil, evil, DM thought….

MAGGIE – That’s so true.  If he spills my beer, HE DIES.  But it was probably like a super-good beer, or, like, a magical healing beer – like Guiness.  Inexcusable.  It’s a little something called “common courtesy,” you stupid elf.  I want two beers for the one spilled.  That’s common beer law.  If he doesn’t follow through, I’ll take his wallet.  …coin pouch.  …whatever.

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20 Responses to “Geeks Next Door – Evasive Maneuvers!”
  1. Yax says:

    Spilling beer is bad. It’s one of the 9 signs of partyocalypse – if all nine signs are witnessed in a single evening, the party’s over:
    1.Someone spills beer.
    2.Someone is double-fisting.
    3.Someone dancing on a table.
    4.Drunk person telling 2 or more people they love them.
    5.People who were strangers 3 hours earlier are frantically making out.
    6.Some guy can’t wait for the restroom to be available and goes outside instead.
    7.Elf friend tries to pickpocket a barbarian with a tattoo on the forehead.
    8.Someone regurgitates
    9.Police shows up.

    Gawd, I miss college sometimes!

  2. Vabolo says:

    One time, our party was heading in a clearing in a wastelad. There was a giant crystal structure in the middle, vaguely ressembling a bell, and a couple of couples of arrowhawks were swarming overhead. One of my partymembers, at the time, somehow thought it would be a good idea to kick the crystal bell, without advising any of us. So he did. And it produced a monstruous sound, which made the arrowhawks stop frolicking, and start going after the partymember who has cused more harm than good to the party in the past. A few seconds later, the rest of the party and I were gleefully watching the four-winged birds tear that imbecile apart, from a safe distance, of course, since none of us had the brilliant idea of hitting a giant crystal bell surrounded by carnivorous birds.

    So yeah, I think that counts as a “oh-crap-I-shouldn’t-have-done-that” moment for him.

    Oh, and in case you were woundering, he was a half-orc. But you probably guessed that by now.

  3. Endymion says:

    Please tell me that Yax (the first poster) meant something totally innocent when he said ‘Double-Fisting’.

  4. T16systdest says:

    One time our party was passing through a desert and we came upon a tan rock sticking out of the sand. Our paladin detected evil on the rock and stabbed it. It was a blue dragon resting in the sand. Needles to say …….he died and there was much rejoicing among the party.

  5. Cat says:

    Once upon a game, playing evil characters, we were seeking a green dragon to kill/ make a bargain with/ whatever. We had received some Bardic Intelligence ( :D ) that this particular dragon hated people and killed people and preferred the company of fey creatures. The party rogue, BarrelCracker CrackerBottom, decided that he would waltz in on the dragon despite the obvious sign-posts, DM hints, saying “Turn Back”, “Certain Death Awaits”, etc. He failed a diplomacy check and the dragon locked him in a room and killed him. The rogue almost seemed happy to go, but his player wasn’t. The rest of the party thought he was an idiot and annoying, so we let him go. “Good riddance!” says I. “And that’s what you get for mocking a bard in the middle of her performance!” The player must have been thinking, ‘Oh-crap-I-shouldn’t-have-done-that’ but instead we argued over the death for about 2 hours. The game died that night. :'(

  6. Vilegobbo says:

    @ Yax- well i have had all those things happen at all the parties I have put together, but we are a bunch of army guys so it’s expected, but we did have number 7 on your list happen on time, thats what you get when have larper friends that show up after a day of larping. LMAO. I cant wait for the next one.

  7. Francis B says:

    Usually I’m a dm, so I can’t recall any of my “oh-crap-I-shouldn’t-have” moments. But I remember one my gf did in my game. She was playing a ranger with a 10 Constitution, scouting ahead of the party when she encountered three man sized bees. She calmly said “I shoot an arrow at one”.

    Me: Are you sure?
    Her: They’re just bees.
    Me: Ok

    A few rounds later her ranger puffs up and croaks from the bee’s poison. The party finds her a little while later and leaves her in the care of the next village until they could come up with the money to resurrect her.

  8. Cat says:

    Francis B,

    DM’s can have Oh-crap-I-shouldn’t-have moments. In the very same evil campaign, my Bard was sent out to reconnoiter a fortress (that’s right! A Bard could succeed where a Rogue could not!) and I ran into a trap (the lack of detecting traps is a downside though).

    DM: “Roll your Reflex save. DC is 25.”
    Me: “My Reflex save is only at 6! You’re gonna kill me!”
    DM: “Oh, relax and roll. It’s not like it’s a death trap or anything.” He rolls damage, because no matter what, I’m at least getting half.
    Me: *rolls* “NATURAL F@%*&ING 20! HAHA!”
    DM: “Great! Take 28 points of damage.”
    Me: “How much damage did you roll?”
    DM: “56.”
    Me: “I ONLY HAVE 42 HIT POINTS YOU (the following has been removed for your convenience.)
    DM: ” Oh shit! Really? Wow. I guess it’s good that you rolled a nat. 20, then isn’t it?”

    I fumed for the rest of the reconnaissance. It was fun though because later I passed up the get-away car and got captured. lol.

  9. SRT says:

    I am usually a DM but one time we had a new guy running a game. he had been a player a bunch of times before and wanted to take the Captain’s chair for a spin. Anyway he put about three weeks into planning this thing out and being a DM I really worked on fleshing out my character and my best friend worked on his. We were essentially D&D super heroes. We were bar owners by day and (this was AD&D) I was a swashbuckling fighter of injustice by night with a psionicist side kick. There were also two other players playing dwarf brothers I think that just happened to roll into our town. Anyway we were two games in and my buddy playing the psionicist couldn’t show up. He was working or something so naturally I played his character since I obviously was used to running entire campaigns and meta gaming was almost impossible because character-wise our guys were best friends. Here’s where the Oh Sh*t moment comes in. We had just defeated a bunch of low level minions and the game’s main boss walks in the room. For some reason he looked like Snake Pliskin.

    Snake/DM- You guys have come far enough. Men take their weapons.
    Me- Save versus death magic.
    DM- What?
    Me- You heard me.
    DM-But what do you mean? Which guy?
    Me- Snake.
    DM- Why?
    Me- Because Steve’s Psionicist is going to try to disintegrate the SOB.
    DM- Uh okay. Roll for it.

    I roll and hit my power score exactly.
    He rolls and fumbles.
    Snake vaporizes in front of us.
    The DM starts to sweat.
    Me- Well that was pretty easy.
    DM- Uh…Uh…Uh…
    Me- How many XP do we get?
    DM-Uh…Uh…Uh…
    Me-Jake are you okay?

    Rest of group is laughing hysterically.

    DM- THAT WAS JUST A DOPLEGANGER!!!!
    Me-Sure it was.

    That was the end of that game. :(

  10. Yax says:

    @ Endymion:
    Yeah, double fisting means drinking 2 beers or drinks at the same time.

  11. DandDGuy says:

    I would do the same thing Maggie some body spills my beer it WAR, and no one is going to stop the retributions.

  12. Josh says:

    In an old game of mine I was playing a monk with druid and bard compainions. We came to a crossroad with one blocked path (or so we thought) and one path riddled with extreamly deadly mummies that we were warned about the entire session. The DM secretly rolled our spot checks to see if we noticed that the intended path was actually not blocked, and we failed specatuclarly. Assuming the mummy path was our only choice, we walked down it. Long story short, we ended up cowering in a tree for two hours trying to figure out ways to bypass the deadly undead.

  13. Ben says:

    Alright, this is gonna be a bit long, so if ya don’t like that, then go read something else.

    Anyways, I got a pretty gruesome way to die AND a horrible tale of evil ressurection. thankfully, it was survivable, but NOT without evil consequences. Ya see, many an age ago, When we were being evil badasses (what? it was an evil campaign, its allowed!) me, being the awesome wizard that I am, was able to actually enslave a red dragon… you can imagine the mayhem and destruction that caused for the DM. Anyways, the DM decided to do something about it. A few epic charm monster spells later, and I literally became the next meal for my enslaved dragon… damn do-gooding sons of a banshee!

    But, this is about survivability isn’t it? where would the survivability be if I didn’t somehow come out of it alive? In this case, it has a literal meaning, I did come out of the dragon, but as dragon guano. What’s that you say? that doesn’t count? oh contrare my friends. my DM is practical if not realistic in his games and I took a look at a few of the ressurection spells. Naturally, a true ressurection would have brought me back the way I should have been, but sadly, none of my friends were high enough level for it. But…. they were high enough level for our evil cleric to use his lower level ressurection spell on me. If you look close enough, I believe that all you need is the body, or the pieces of it, and presto chango! you’re alive! AND now for our biology lesson for the day kids!

    Ya see, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the carnivores weren’t exactly picky when it came to bones, In this case, they would have the bones of their food go through their digestive tract. In the end, if you see lil white flecks of stuff in big stinky piles of guano, well, thats bones for ya! With the closest thing to dragons being dinosaurs, I used my mad wizard logic on our DM. He was amazed at my idea to say the least (my friends being more of the frightened type) and said that if our cleric could do it on a roll of a 19, then he’d allow it. Pretty slim chances, but for my wizard, I was willing for our cleric to take the risk. I prayed to whatever dark god might be listening and let him roll.

    It was a natural 20.

    With a whoop of joy, I started dancing around the dinner table madly. But, our DM still wasn’t happy and decided to interfer in my evil fun once more. Even though it was a natural 20, he said that I may have been ressurected, but I was condemmed to walk the earth as a giant humanoid pile of, well…. yeah, dragon droppings.

    While with the consequences of being somewhat undead (does being eaten and digested by a dragon even make one undead or give one some magical qualities?) and smelling worse than an ogre’s buttcrack, I was content to let myself be turned into a giant poo monster. It wasn’t perfect, but I had survived and had seen the insides of a dragon’s digestive system. Besides, it made grapple checks with any monster I came across a bit more fun.

    If still being able to use my character counts as survivability, then I suppose that this counts. Just remember though kids, ya might be ressurected, but ya might also have to deal with the consequences of being dead (don’t forget the deoderant!)

  14. anonymous says:

    A friend of mine walked right into a trap that dumped a flammable substance all over him.
    Then the other guy in the party pushed him into a flame trap.
    Meanwhile, I was incapacitated in a spike pit.
    Good times. I have no clue how nobody died though.

  15. VenezuelanNoble says:

    So me and my friends were playing one night and we had just finished a pretty good campaign and were camping out for the night in front of a lake so we can postpone the rest of the campaign for another night. My friend plays a gnome wizard who is literally insane so for every decision he makes we decided to make him do a sanity check on a dc, so basically if he rolls a 1 out of the 6 he has to do something completely random. So he decides to check out the shack next to the lake but unfortunately he rolls a one and decides to blow up the shack with a fireball as his crazy deed. Unfortunately, according to our dm, the shack held a key to a boat that would have taken us to another island. So the campaign was officially over cause we couldn’t continue….

  16. Paul says:

    I have to get in on this discussion. I was DM’ing a game a while back for my brother and a couple of friends, and to help them out I had a big dumb dragonlord warrior along for the ride. My brother and the NPC were in an inn up in the room and he had just saved a captured elven slave girl from the slave market and decides to grill her for some information. Now he’s playing an evil character and this is an evil campaign, so the warrior just kinda soaks up hits and does what the PC’s tell him to.

    My bro’s character says to the NPC, “Take care of her for me…” and so he does exactly that, he pulls out his big two-handed bastard sword and lops off her head spraying blood all over the room and onto my brother’s wizard. He’s like, “YOU IDIOT! Why did you do that?” the NPC responds, “You told me to take care of her…” So you’d think he’d learn from that mistake right? NOPE! He then says, “Get rid of the body.”

    Again the warrior takes him very literally and opens up the window to the room and tosses the body out into the alley below. The wizard is furious and screams, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?” The warrior responds, “you told me to get rid if the body…”

    Needless to say, he decided to be very very specific from there on out about what he told the NPC to do.

  17. Gavin says:

    I once collapsed a mountain to kill lots of baddies at once. Unfortunately, I was under it too… T.T;

    Thankfully I had enough time to limp to safety before it actually physically collapsed, but what with a couple of shuriken in each leg it was a damned close call.

    Halin Star-Child (half-Elf fighter, all-star moron) has a habit of doing silly stuff like that, but then, his heart’s in a good place, and he’s always got his loyal friends to help out in a pinch.

  18. Doug says:

    Worst scenario in a D&D game? Wow, I’ve alway played bards so . . . . that’s a lot of screw ups . . . best one was about two years ago, summer before I started college, I went to my hometown gaming store and joined a three week campaign based in a homebrew setting.

    > We set out to find a lost scroll in a tomb, built into a cliffside overlooking a river waaaaaay down below. The ride there sucked, and Dobin, my little halfling bard, eventually ended up going back to town to by a riding harness for our party’s HALF-ORC, just so we could get to the first adventure site.

    Once we got there, we kipped out above the entrance, cleared fatigue and regain spells and what-not. The before-mentioned Half-Orc, who was our party ranger as well, told Dobin he’d have to make up for the piggy-back ride by taking his watch shift as well.

    > First shift (Dobin’s) I climbed a tree to better see the surroundings, and stayed there all through the shift. Failed a few spot and listen checks, but nobody attack and all was well. At the end of the shift, our DM slipped me a card that read “Somehow, all the tents and horses your party brought have been stolen from the campsite . . . while your party members were asleep.” So, basically, the thief stole the pitons and took the tents, then took the horses.

    > I decided not to wake (or tell) the players what happened, and continued on to the next watch (the Half-Orc’s). Failed a few more spot and listen checks (in all honesty, so did everyone else), and at the end of that watch I jumped down to check on the party. The DM looks at me with a straight face and says “Your entire party was abducted by wolves in the night, and the wolves now emerge from the shrubbery around you. Roll initiative.”

    In the end, we all rerolled our characters, and I went with a dwarven cleric, and all was fine for the next few weeks. But my party always made up excuses for my dwarf to NOT take a watch shift from that point on.

  19. Astebrooke says:

    I was DM’ing a homebrew campaign in 3.5 back in ’09 with my roommate as the sole player. Story was the country he lived in was under siege by the northern kingdom as they sought to gain control of some wayward magic items a wizard had scattered. He is trying to help a lizardfolk tribe recover their greatest warrior because prophecy says he must be present to fight the enemy tribe if they are to have victory. Soldiers from the north have lizardnapped him, playing on his honor, because the enemy tribe has one of the wizard’s items and doesn’t know what it does. In exchange for keeping the good tribe’s warrior from the battle, the commander gets the item.

    My roommate is playing a paladin, ranger, and rogue since we lack other players. Accompanying him are the cleric and wizard who had originally served in their outfit before its ambush and annihilation (how the party was formed, as survivors), and the healer whom they had rescued during their escape from the ambush. She had been a lvl 1 cleric in the beginning (he started at 3) and had mostly caught up by this point (as they were 8 or 9). They track the enemy forces to a cave some 2 weeks west, in the mountains, and prepare to enter when an enemy spots them and takes off running into the cave to alert the others.

    My roommate decides to wait, because there’s only enough room on the path for two soldiers to stand side by side since there’s a cave wall on one side and a swift-running stream flowing fiercely out the cave’s mouth on the other side of the path. The path is short, maybe 50 feet in, before it turns to the right and disappears. He figures it would tie up the enemy sufficiently without letting them field too many soldiers (mind you, it’s a party of heroes against common soldiers mostly, they’re lvl 3-4 at best).

    The enemy marches forth and the paladin and cleric take their positions, stepping out from behind the outside wall of the opening, to hold the enemy inside. The two of them square off against the front 2 soldiers. The ceiling of the cave is high enough over the heads of the two in melee that the ranger decides to step out behind them some 20 feet and start firing into the rear ranks of the enemy. Guess he forgot that these are soldiers too. He fires twice, hits a soldier but not for much, and then they return fire. The two behind the front soldiers are ready to step up if needed, but each pair behind them fires an arrow and drops to a knee to fit the next, allowing the ones behind them a mostly clear sight of the target.

    He went from fully healed to dying and I was laughing so hard at the abnormally good rolls the enemy were having. The wizard, who had been preparing to cast a grease spell into the cavern, had to abandon his efforts and risk dragging the ranger out of sight so his wife could patch him up.

    Pretty sure that counts as one of the moments requested, but not the only time it happened. His paladin had inherited a keep and, once they found the room behind a jail cell, found he had to clear out his basement since random creatures were appearing inside. (the paladin was infused with arcane power due to a DM event, he happened to be the unlucky one that ended it. as a result, he could tap into nexus stones and bind them to his will, as well as perform some other strange abilities when near an “obelisk” as he knew them)

    As the basement apparently had a nexus stone in it, something was using its power to drag beings in for defense or fun, he didn’t know. He was clearing it out when he encountered a locked door in a room. He battered it down (took about 7 attacks). The room on the other side was a corridor, with a locked door at the end. He battered that one down too. Another short corridor was through through that door, with a locked door in the middle of the opposite door and an unlocked door in the same wall. When he found the unlocked door he decided to batter down the locked door because “I don’t like things creeping up behind me.”

    Took him 3 attacks to bash in the door and waiting on the other side were 15 straight-from-the-MM orcs, entrenched behind tables and other furniture, with javelins cocked. He didn’t go down in 1 round like the ranger had, but he looked like the wrong end of an encounter with a giant porcupine. Turns out, the unlocked door led to a corridor with a second unlocked door, leading to the room he’d entered the basement through. If he’d gone that way, the orcs wouldn’t have had time to prepare defenses.

    He loved that adventure, and so did I.

  20. Cindy says:

    Hahaha he spilled my beer. I can relate to that one.

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