Tragic Endings: 5 Ways the MM2 Will Kill Your PC

It’s not fun to dwell too long on the challenges we face in life. At least we have it better than our PCs. For the most part, real people don’t have to worry about running into dragons, setting off deadly magical traps, or getting gnawed by carnivorous plants. PCs, on the other hand, have been forced to accept the fact that everything is out to kill them at every turn.

So is the Monster Manual 2 really necessary? I mean, don’t PCs have it bad enough already without adding hundreds of monstrous weapons to the DM’s arsenal? If you have a soft spot for the plight of PCs, forget that you ever heard about the coming release of the Monster Manual 2. If, on the other hand, you believe there’s no such thing as too many ways to die, read on for a glimpse of five terrible things to come in the MM2.

“B-but.. I thought you loved me…” – Your PC

1. Killer Bugs

D&D has never been lacking in the ‘things that crawl up and eat you’ department. With the launch of the MM2, your PCs will have to contend with old foes like the Rust Monster and new insectoid horrors like the Hive Queen Ant. Of course, those creepy-crawlies are nothing compared to the shock and pain your PC will feel when, on a lovely spring morn, they start to stroll across a fallow field and – surprise! – end up in the acid-dripping mandibles of an Ankheg.

2. Heavy Metal

Metallic monsters don’t seem fair (They’re monsters and they’re made of metal, FTW?!), but I guess they’re not much worse than a burly PC sporting platemail. Then again, consider the Iron Golem. From the WotC web site: “Infused with potent toxins, iron golems thunder toward foes and bash them into mush.” Um, ouch? If an Iron Golem sounds too tough for your PC, you can always try Door #2. (Of course, there’s an Adamantine Dragon behind it.) Metal monsters will make your PC want to quit life.

3. Giants

Picture by Lamont Cranston

Frost Giant: Did you miss me?
Your PC: Uh, no.
Frost Giant: Too bad!! Feel the bite of my icy greataxe!
Your PC: But that’s a melee attack, and I’m way over here…
Frost Giant: So? I have Speed 8 on ice, and Reach 2.
Your PC: Oh. Damn.

Yes, some old familiar giants are making their 4E debut. As if getting whapped with an icy greataxe weren’t bad enough, your PC must also avoid getting their head cracked by the boulders and greatclubs of our old pals, the Stone Giants.

4. Big Bitey Things

The charmingly-named Heroslayer Hydra wants to kill your PC. The Remorrhaz will tunnel through rock and ice for a taste of your PC’s lifeblood. And the Behir will straight up eat your PC given half the chance – after it roasts him alive with its electrifying lightning-spit. (Good times!)

5. Other

Some things in the MM2 are just too weird to classify anywhere else. For example, the Star Spawn ‘Maw of Acamar’. (Lovecraft fans, take note: these stars are wrong on many levels.) It’s basically a black hole on two legs. And the Retriever, far from being a friendly family pet, is actually an arachnid… construct… stalker… thing. Our favorite eel-spider-merchants, the Neogi, are also making a comeback in the MM2. And those of you who enjoy riddles and obscure prophecies will be glad to see the Sphinx again. (But your PCs won’t!)

So what do you think? Will you be purchasing the MM2? Are there too darn many monsters to keep track of already? Share your thoughts in the comments section!

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