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If Quentin Tarantino designed a D&D adventure

Written by LovelyRotten - Published on August 23, 2015

Quentin+Tarantino+Django+Unchained+Panel+2012+_tWze2rq76DlWhile we’re writing a piece on the Walking Dead spinoff, I thought I’d tie-in a few things cinema to D&D.  Because now that he’s finished creating another excuse for Samuel L. Jackson’s wallet to have ‘BMF’ on it, Quentin Tarantino could pitch his next cross-genre vision to the folks at Paizo, bringing his unique style to the current champion of movie genres.  Here’s how it might go…

Quentin Tarantino:  “So we’re starting off by seeing a whole bunch of capes, man. I’m talkin’ flyin’. I’m talkin’ punches thrown. I’m talkin’ walls collapsing with the heroes dustin’ off their shoulders. I’m hearing AC/DC and I’m seein’ hot chicks in catsuits.”

Paizo Person: “Kids sure are loving the Marvel Universe, even before all the extensions. That’s true.  A bajillion dollars true in fact…

QT: “So let’s bring this little party underground, baby. Let’s start dungeon-crawlin’ and brawlin’ and the kids’ll come callin’.”

PP: “Hmm.  Well, what do you propose?

QT: “We’ve got an enemy mastermind. Super-villain. Arch-freaking-criminal like they called Tommy in Goodfellas. Only this guy is world domination. He’s ‘take-over-the-whole-planet’, loads of minions everywhere, feasting at the table of evil. He’s buffed, he’s power-up. Like he’s the boss-level to end all boss levels.”

PP: “Umm. Pretty much sounds like every adventure we have.  And we’ve have, I dunno, 8d10 of them and counting.  Oh look, we just made another one.”

QT: “Well allow me to retort. Here’s my spin, daddy-o. He’s boss, because he’s fortified where that kind of magic…it just stays with you. His lair, his lair makes that stuff stay on, but only for as long as you’re in there. Magic stays, and wizards see that, see?   Well this Doctor Menace, he don’t like that. He’s declared open season on spellthrowers.”  {does a gun gesture with his hands}

QT continuing: “There’s your hook. Assassins killing David Blaine, David Copperfield and Penn but not Teller. So here comes your party, finally getting to the boss level. And the wizards know they can buff everyone crazy like, and it will stay as long as they’re in this area. And the bad guy is buffed too. And all his henchmen with the black shirts that say ‘Cohort” on the front. And the fights are getting so intense in his lair, with people flying around and smashing things, they start doing hardness damage to the walls, even though they’re almost invulnerable, and the place starts coming down around them, and it’s just this huge battle with collapsing pillars and barbarians throwing horses through walls and…”

PP: “Hey, hey, hey settle down. That’s a great end battle, sure. Magic stays permanent, even stacks, only while they’re in the lair. People and weapons rival the hardness of their surroundings, and start doing damage to the place. Self-destruct countdown sequence at the end so no one can use the area ever again. Bittersweet. Would make for a good end battle taking up five plus hours of game time. Love it. What else you got?

QT: “Ok…ok…so, we go paranoid then. Whole kingdom is out to get the party. Talkin’ Cap and Widow runnin’ from Hydra, man, but they’re running through the kingdom, right? And only they know that the boss-man is a doppelganger. So he’s got them wanted for trumped-up crimes, only he don’t know what they know and he don’t know whether who they know knows what they know. So he’s got to get them alive. Man-catchers, nets, big ol’ Planet Of The Apes hunt. Whole damn kingdom goes Running Man on them, because there’s gold coins to be had if you spot them. The party’s the prize, baby, and the game is nationwide. So, out of nowhere, your half-dozen heroes have gone from belles of the ball to stuck in the middle of a dungeon on the wrong side of the law like (snap) that.”

PP: “Wow, Mr.Tarantino. A clever DM sure can pull a lot of adventuring ideas from genre movies. It’s a deep mine to tap, especially if they need a quick scenario on the fly.”

QT: “Just make sure the soundtrack is rockin’, baby.  And a few quotable catchphrases don’t hurt either- oh, I’m sorry did I break your concentration?”

Written by LovelyRotten

Gamer for 35 years, Metal for Life.

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