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In honor of Letterman: Top 10 Funniest Things PC’s Said

Written by MythicParty - Published on May 21, 2015

ls_topten_20090616Tonight, David Letterman (along with the help of the irreplaceable Bill Murray) read his very last Top Ten List.  In homage to Dave & the countless laughs he caused, here is a D&D list of the funniest things Players have said.  It’s based on the Dragon magazine article by Gregg Sharp appropriately titled “The Last Word: Adventurers say the darndest things before you squash them,” from January, 1988.  Despite having no illustration as well as being buried at the very end of the issue, it nevertheless brought us such timeless gems as, “I go up to the lich and try to pick its pocket.”  And, “Nothing ever happens on the first level.” And, “Does a 3 save?”  Plus who could ever forget the karmic, “What? No, I wasn’t reading your module. I was just looking at the pictures.”

This meme of course caused Dragon’s readers to write in their own Last Words where we were later treated to “We don’t need to post guards at night. We’re too powerful.“ from #134, then “I’ll snap the staff!” & “Who’s the chick with the spiders?” from #138.

The DungeonMastering.com version is from December 2007, & remains our reigning champ when it comes to reader responses.  Racking up an inconceivable 143 Comments, we’ve gone through each & every one of them to bring you the absolute Ten Best.  We’re using comment names to identify their owners.  And also because we wouldn’t otherwise get to write such things as ‘TroublesomeBard.’  Here we go.

10. “I’ll offer him 2 gold pieces for his daughter’s honor.”  by Rob on August  11, 2010

9. “Which way does the giant fall?” by Donk on December 27, 2007

8.  “I can’t get rid of the cursed sword so I might as well use it.” by Mike on March 30, 2008

7. “How deep does the lava look?” by Shadowrunner, July 11, 2010

6. “Ok, fine, I’ll help you kill it.”  by Origami on March 15, 2010

5. “We’re all the same alignment here.” by Dr. Strangelove on January 24, 2009

4. “I’ll hold it off.  It won’t be able to hit my AC.” by AlgaeHydra on March 14, 2009

3. “Oh Yeah, YOU and what army?!” by Maelifisis on June 07, 2008

2.  “That thing is made of water…I drink the water!” by Scion on January 10, 2008

And the #1 Funniest Thing Players Said Before SHTF:

What do you mean you ‘need more dice for this one’?” by child of a smart orc and stupid illithid, (no, we’re not making that name up, how could we?!) on May 21, 2008

Take a bow guys, you did Gregg Sharp proud.  Ok, any of those 143 comments should have made the list instead?  Got any ‘Last Words’ from your own games?  Yell at us below.


Written by MythicParty

Dog-loving, movie-watching, pizza aficionado. Content Editor for DMing.com, Project Manager for AvatarArt.com, & player of the coolest characters in a weekly D&D game. Halflings are the real heroes.

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One Response to “In honor of Letterman: Top 10 Funniest Things PC’s Said”
  1. MythicParty says:

    My all time favorite remains, “What luck: a demon prince! If we kill him, we get a horde of treasure and experience points!”

    Partially because of the naivete but also, lets face it; players think like this.

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