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What’s your inner D&D 4th edition character?

ByExpy
194 Comments

25 questions. 1 answer.

Ever feel like your destiny isn’t to work in a tiny cubicle? Maybe it’s because your inner self is a Lawful Good Demigod Pit Fighter! You only have to answer a few questions to know what your inner D&D character is!

1 – Fighters are:

  • Powerful.
  • Overrated.
  • Great lobbyists. Why else would all the spells be voted out of the core books?


2 – Wizards are:

  • Powerful.
  • Overrated.
  • Sexy. It’s the robe – it looks cozy.


3 – Rogues are:

  • Powerful.
  • Overrated.
  • Sexy. It’s the tight black leather – it looks kinky.


4 – My weapon of choice is:

  • Something huge, like a greataxe.
  • Something crude, like a club.
  • Something normal, like a longsword.
  • Something elegant, like a rapier.
  • Doesn’t matter. I just want to kill things and take their stuff.


5 – My role in a party is to:

  • Be a leader.
  • Be a controller.
  • Be a defender.
  • Be a striker.
  • Get the party started!


6 – Your boyfriend/girlfriend scolds you because you were out all night and didn’t say where you were. What do you do?

  • A Diplomacy check.
  • A Will save.
  • A Fortitude save.
  • I cast Forceful Retort.


7 – Tieflings are:

  • Evil.
  • Creepy.
  • Horny.
  • Usurpers of the gnomes’ place in the core books.


8 – Dragonborns are:

  • Good.
  • Ugly.
  • The proof that everyone wants to be a dragon.
  • Usurpers of the half-orcs’ place in the core books.


9 – Are you a DM or a player?

  • DM.
  • Player.
  • Both.
  • I don’t play D&D right now.


10 – Your favorite dragons are:

  • Red dragons.
  • Blue dragons.
  • Black dragons.
  • Green dragons.
  • White dragons.
  • Gold dragons.
  • Silver dragons.
  • Copper dragons.
  • Adamantine dragons.
  • Iron dragons.
  • Dragon Turtles.


11 – Are you a good liar?

  • Yes.
  • No.
  • I never lie.
  • Doesn’t matter what the answer is since you can’t trust a liar.


12 – Which one of these activities would you rather do on a sunny Saturday morning?

  • Study.
  • Pray.
  • Work out.
  • Sleep.


13 – I really, really like to pwn:

  • Goblins.
  • Kobolds.
  • Zombies.
  • Noobs.


14 – I believe in:

  • UFOs.
  • Magic.
  • Elves.
  • All of the above.


15 – How often do you find yourself covered in blood?

  • Less than once a week.
  • One to five times a week.
  • More than 5 times a week.
  • What?


16 – You write a book and perform a sacrificial ritual to increase your sales. What do you sacrifice?

  • A gnome.
  • Something else.


17 – You see an old lady struggling going up a flight of stairs. What do you do?

  • I help her up.
  • I ignore her.
  • I help her down.
  • I punch her in the face.


18 – You’re taking a test and you see the guy next to you cheating. What do you do?

  • I tell on him.
  • I blackmail him.
  • I ignore him.
  • I punch him in the face.


19 – You have an appointment with a good friend. He shows up 45 minutes late. What do you do?

  • I guilt trip him.
  • I ask if he’s alright.
  • I don’t even mention it.
  • I punch him in the face.


20 – You killed something. What do you do?

  • Take its stuff.
  • Punch it in the face.
  • What?


21 – When I’m drunk I always end up:

  • Talking loudly.
  • Telling everyone I love them.
  • Drunk dialing people.
  • Drunk dialing everyone to tell them I love them.
  • I don’t drink.


22 – You bump into your best friend on the street. He stares at you wide-eyed and keeps saying “I am not an alien.” What do you do?

  • Meh. My friends always do that.
  • I ask him if he’s alright.
  • I call the authorities.
  • I punch him in the face.


23 – How would you describe the last D&D character you played?

  • Unique.
  • Powerful.
  • Fun.
  • 1337.


24 – Which magic weapon enhancement is the coolest?

  • Flaming +6.
  • Holy Avenger +6.
  • Perfect Hunter’s +6.
  • Lifedrinker +6.


25 – When I punch someone in the face I feel:

  • Good.
  • Bad.
  • What?


$raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $dwarf;
$topRace = ‘Dwarf’;
}elseif($dwarf == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Dwarf’;
}

if($eladrin > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $eladrin;
$topRace = ‘Eladrin’;
}elseif($eladrin == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Eladrin’;
}

if($elf > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $elf;
$topRace = ‘Elf’;
}elseif($elf == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Elf’;
}

if($halfElf > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $halfElf;
$topRace = ‘Half-Elf’;
}elseif($halfElf == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Half-Elf’;
}

if($halfling > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $halfling;
$topRace = ‘Halfling’;
}elseif($halfling == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Halfling’;
}

if($human > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $human;
$topRace = ‘Human’;
}elseif($human == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Human’;
}

if($tiefling > $raceHighScore){
$raceHighScore = $tiefling;
$topRace = ‘Tiefling’;
}elseif($tiefling == $raceHighScore){
if(is_string($topRace)){
$topRace = array($topRace);
}
$topRace[] = ‘Tiefling’;
}

if(is_array($topRace)){
$topRace = $topRace[rand(0,count($topRace)-1)];
}

//CALCULATE CLASS
$classHighScore = $cleric;
$topClass = ‘Cleric’;

if($fighter > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $fighter;
$topClass = ‘Fighter’;
}elseif($fighter == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Fighter’;
}

if($paladin > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $paladin;
$topClass = ‘Paladin’;
}elseif($paladin == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Paladin’;
}

if($ranger > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $ranger;
$topClass = ‘Ranger’;
}elseif($ranger == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Ranger’;
}

if($rogue > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $rogue;
$topClass = ‘Rogue’;
}elseif($rogue == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Rogue’;
}

if($warlock > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $warlock;
$topClass = ‘Warlock’;
}elseif($warlock == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Warlock’;
}

if($warlord > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $warlord;
$topClass = ‘Warlord’;
}elseif($warlord == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Warlord’;
}

if($wizard > $classHighScore){
$classHighScore = $wizard;
$topClass = ‘Wizard’;
}elseif($wizard == $classHighScore){
if(is_string($topClass)){
$topClass = array($topClass);
}
$topClass[] = ‘Wizard’;
}

if(is_array($topClass)){
$topClass = $topClass[rand(0,count($topClass)-1)];
}

$alignment;
$article = ‘a’;

if($good >= $evil+3){
$alignment = ‘Good’;
if($lawful >= 3){
$alignment = ‘Lawful Good’;
}
}else if($evil >= $good+3){
$alignment = ‘Evil’;
$article = ‘an’;
if($chaotic >= 4){
$alignment = ‘Chaotic Evil’;
$article = ‘a’;
}
}else{
$alignment = ‘Unaligned’;
$article = ‘an’;
}

//Paragon Path
$path = ”;
$rnd = rand(1,100);
//echo $rnd;
if($rnd > 90){
if(trim($topClass) == ‘Cleric’){
$path = rand(1,4);
if($path == 1){
$path = ‘Angelic Avenger’;
}else if($path == 2){
$path = ‘Divine Oracle’;
}else if($path == 3){
$path = ‘Radiant Servant’;
}else if($path == 4){
$path = ‘Warpriest’;
}
}

if(trim($topClass) == ‘Fighter’){
$path = rand(1,4);
if($path == 1){
$path = ‘Iron Vanguard’;
}else if($path == 2){
$path = ‘Kensei’;
}else if($path == 3){
$path = ‘Pit Fighter’;
$topClass = ”;
}else if($path == 4){
$path = ‘Swordmaster’;
}
}

if(trim($topClass) == ‘Paladin’){
$path = rand(1,4);
if($path == 1){
$path = ‘Astral Weapon’;
}else if($path == 2){
$path = ‘Champion of Order’;
}else if($path == 3){
$path = ‘Hospitaler’;
}else if($path == 4){
$path = ‘Justiciar’;
}
}

if(trim($to